


Light Delight

by Goldom



Series: The Ballad of Arisa and Kasumi [1]
Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Blushing, Depression, Developing Relationship, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Girls Kissing, Introspection, Non-Sexual Intimacy, So much blushing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-09-26 16:57:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17145539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goldom/pseuds/Goldom
Summary: When Kasumi writes a new song, Arisa discovers how much she doesn't know about her friend.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This piece uses a custom work skin with color-coded text, but should be legible with an accessible theme or screen reader as long as it can distinguish [em] tags.

“Arisaaaa!”

The final bell had barely rung when Kasumi came flying into Arisa’s classroom, tackling her around the neck. “Hey! Get off me!” Arisa scolded, untangling Kasumi’s limbs and pushing her to arm’s length. “What’s going on?”

Kasumi grinned. “Oh, nothing, I just couldn’t wait to see you!”

Arisa blushed, grumbling, “Knock it off, you’re going to give people the wrong idea.”

“Hmm?” Kasumi teased, tilting her head. “Don’t you love me?”

“Hey!” Arisa leapt out of her seat, now completely flushed. “What’s gotten into you today?”

“Kidding, kidding,” Kasumi smiled, standing her ground even with Arisa now standing directly before her. “Actually, I came to give you this. Ta-da!” She presented Arisa with a crumpled sheet of paper covered in scribbles and crossed out lines. “New song! I already gave copies to everyone else, but I saved the original just for you~”

Throwing her hands behind her back, she stepped backwards. “Since we aren’t meeting up this weekend, just let me know what you think on Monday, and we can work on the instrumentals at next practice.” With another hop back, Kasumi turned and dashed out the door.

Sighing and falling back into her seat, Arisa smoothed out the top of the paper. “ライトデライト” she read aloud. _Got a good sound to it. But what’s…_ Pulling out her phone, she opened her English/Japanese dictionary app. _De … light … I guess? Like turning out the lights?_ She tapped in the entry, scrolled down and read. _歓喜,_ _喜び: Joy, Happiness, Rapture_. With a slight smile, she shut off her phone and stuffed the lyrics into her bag. _Yep, that’s just like her._

* * *

Arisa sighed as she stretched out in bed. _Got everything for the weekend done tonight, so I’ve got all day tomorrow to take care of the mess in the shop … and probably help Kasumi do her homework at the last minute._ “Wait, I never…” Arisa got up and switched on the desk lamp. “Where’d I put it … ah.” She pulled out the raggedy paper, which looked even worse having spent the day crushed under the edge of her books. Taking the lyrics back to bed, she sat up against the wall and began to read.

Within moments, her face fell rigid and her stomach fluttered with anxiety. “What is this,” she muttered. _‘I let my worthless tears spill’? Kasumi can’t have written this._  
_‘Crying, crying, crying, crying_  
_I embrace, embrace, embrace, embrace myself_  
_Searching for the Light Delight.’_  
“What the hell is this?” Arisa whispered weakly.

Climbing back out of bed, she set aside the new song and began digging through her band files. _This doesn’t sound anything like that bouncy disaster._ While she searched, she tried to remember how Kasumi had acted the last time she saw her. _No, there was nothing. She seemed fine._ “Ah, here.” Arisa pulled out the lyrics to the rest of Poppin'Party’s songs. She hadn’t looked over the other members’ parts since originally learning the songs, and Arisa had never paid much attention to lyrics, even while listening to music. Vocals were just another instrument. _Have I missed something?_

Arisa leafed through the papers reading the titles, freezing when she saw _Teardrops_. She pulled out the lyric sheet and scanned through it.  
_‘Maybe today I'll finally relax? (Hey hey, isn’t there no chance?)_  
_So why are these tears still overpowering me? (Don't let those tears fall, don't cry)’_  
Now shaking, Arisa returned _Teardrops_ to the stack and flipped to find Kasumi’s solo piece. _Maybe it’s not personal. Surely there’s nothing like that in here._ But as she scanned down the page of _どきどきSING OUT!_ , there it was again:  
_‘The tears that spill, I won't show to anyone …_  
_Keep on smiling! Keep on shining!’_  
“Kasumi…” _How long have you been waiting for someone to see through that smile?_

Arisa sighed and leaned back, closing her eyes. _What do I do now?_ She pulled out her phone, but stopped at seeing the time. _It’s way too late to mail her. And what would I even say? She’s never talked to us about feeling like this, but this new song … she must be asking for help, right?_

“Aghhh, there’s nothing I can do about this tonight.” Arisa flicked the light off and threw herself back into bed, exhausted but knowing she wouldn’t be able to sleep any time soon. _Why do I always push her away? Have I been making everything worse for her?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English song translations from bandori.wikia.com, with minor edits.
> 
> So I've been informed since writing this chapter that apparently Depressed Kasumi was a canon thing back before the franchise rebooted and rewrote all the characters (i.e. before we ever heard of it in English). I don't actually know anything about that though, so any similarity or difference from whatever they did in the story back then is a coincidence.


	2. Chapter 2

Arisa woke up and enjoyed ten seconds of weekend lounging in bed before memories of the night before slammed into her stomach. “Shit.” _Giving us this when she knows she doesn’t have to see us for days. Like hell I’m waiting until Monday._ Both Rimi and Sāya had plans today, leaving Arisa to handle this on her own. _I could call Tae … but there’s no way that’s going to help. Besides…_ A memory ran through Arisa’s head: “I saved the original just for you~” Wiping her face with her palms, she grumbled and got out of bed.

_She’s probably not even awake yet, but—_ Arisa grabbed her phone and wrote Kasumi a quick mail:

“Hey. I’m coming over this afternoon. We’re getting your homework done early so you can help me clean the shop on Sunday.” She paused, then added, “And I’m spending the night.” Tossing the phone onto her bed, Arisa left to get ready.

When she returned an hour later, her phone was flashing “8 new messages!”

“Urgh.” Arisa anxiously unlocked the screen.

“Whaaaat? u miss me that much? 😆”  
“how u know I didn’t already do my work? 🌟”  
“hehe I didn’t 😅😅”  
“Arisaaaa?”  
“Where are youuuu 😿”  
“👻come back to me~👻”  
“Arisa won’t talk to me 😰 I’m coming over to get you then! 🌠”

And last, dated just one minute ago:

“I’m here!!! ❤️”

As soon as she finished reading the messages, Arisa heard knocking coming from the front door, and Kasumi’s voice calling out. “Arisa’s grandmaaaa? Hello? Oh! Hi, Arisa’s grandma! Have you eaten yet?”

“Urghhh,” Arisa repeated, quickly scooping up her things and running out to save her grandmother. “Kasumi!” She yelled as soon as she entered the front room. “I said I was coming this afternoon! What are you doing here already?”

“Arisaaa~” Kasumi wailed, flinging herself on the shorter girl. “I thought you forgot about me!”

“Hey!” Arisa exclaimed, recoiling instinctively. “Get—” Then she froze, Kasumi still draped on her. “Um … Good morning,” she finished meekly.

Kasumi pulled back and looked down at Arisa. “Huh?” She turned to Arisa’s grandmother and, pointing back at the girl she was still clinging to with her other hand, said, “Arisa’s grandma! This isn’t Arisa! Oh! Did you have twins?” She spun her head back around. “Hi, Arisa’s twin! Oh, I think you’re a little taller than your sister.”

“Knock it off!” Arisa worked herself free and sighed. “And that’s my grandmother, she didn’t ‘have’ me at all!”

“What’s your name, Arisa’s cute little sister?”

“It’s me already! And why am I suddenly the little sister?”

* * *

The day passed uneventfully, doing Kasumi’s homework, having dinner with her family and then washing the dishes as apology for intruding without an invitation. All day, Arisa watched her friend for any sign of the sorrow in her songs, but Kasumi remained bubbly and energetic without a single slip. And as night fell, Arisa grew more and more anxious, afraid her chance to say something would pass by. _Sāya would know what to do. I’m no good at this sort of thing._

As soon as she could feasibly get away with it, Arisa declared that they needed to go to bed early, since they had a long day of cleaning tomorrow.

“Awwww,” Kasumi whined, “but you’re supposed to stay up late talking at a sleepover.”

_There we go. Last chance._ “A— after the lights are off,” Arisa replied, slamming the switch off and crawling into the futon set out on the floor. Enough moonlight came in through the window that she could see Kasumi above in her bed, lying on her side looking down at her. Arisa prayed that her own nervous face would be hidden in the shadows.

“Hey, Arisa, why’d you come over today?”

“I told you … I need your help tomorrow, and now you owe me.” _But what do I say? What, what, what?_

Kasumi rolled onto her back. “You’re not a very good liar. You’ve been acting weird all day.”

_ Damn, this girl is more astute than she looks. _

“Besides, it’s obvious. You read the new song and got worried about me, right?” Kasumi’s voice had fallen flat and quiet, but she let out a small cheery laugh. “Thank you, Arisa. But I’m okay.”

“It’s just a song, huh?”

“Right. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“Now who’s the bad liar.” Kasumi lay silent, but Arisa grew louder, raising herself up onto her elbows. “I went back through your other songs too. This music is everything to you. You can’t tell me it’s meaningless.” Still nothing. “Days we smiled while crying, let's put them all into a song,” she quoted. “You wrote that.”

“May it reach our tomorrow,” Kasumi sang quietly, finishing the line. Silence came back over the room for a long minute, and Arisa couldn’t bring herself to even move. “There’s really nothing wrong though. My life is amazing. Why should I be sad?”

“Please stop pretending that you’re lonely,” Arisa quoted again. “You wrote that to yourself, didn’t you?”

“Why should I be lonely? I have so many people around me.” Then, barely audible, “It doesn’t make any sense.” Arisa sat frozen in her futon. _I don’t know either._ “You’re right here, how can I still feel so alone?”

Arisa pushed herself to her feet and stepped out of the bedding, then froze. Kasumi’s eyes stared up at her, the moonlight making them appear calm and inviting. _Beautiful…_ Arisa gave a quick cough and shifted her gaze. “D— don’t think I’m getting into bed with you or anything. I’m just shifting the futon. H— hard … spot on the floor…” She turned around and busied herself dragging everything from the center of the room to directly below the edge of Kasumi’s bed. Finished, she lay back down and hid herself in the covers. “Here,” she mumbled, sticking her hand up over the side of the bed.

“Arisa…” Kasumi whispered, taking the proffered hand and gripping it tightly.

From her new position, Arisa couldn’t see onto the bed at all, but felt as her hand was slowly released, then taken up again, this time gently. Time froze for Arisa as she lay in the dark, her mind silent, sensing only the soft touch, heart racing, refusing to move an inch even as her arm began to go numb from the awkward position.

Some time later, Kasumi finally broke the silence. “I feel it.”

“Hm?”

“Your heartbeat. It’s so strong. Like I can feel the stars…” A few moments passed, then, “What’s wrong with me?”

“I don’t know,” Arisa answered. “I don’t know what to do. But you don’t have to cry alone. Not ever again, okay?”

Voice tight, Kasumi said, “You say something like that, I really will cry.”

“It’s okay.”

* * *

Kasumi was still wide awake when she felt Arisa’s hand grow cold and heavy with sleep. She sat up gently, taking the hand and placing it on the girl’s sleeping body, then sat there looking down, watching Arisa’s slow breathing. _I wish I could go down there. Wish I could climb in with her and… But what if even then I still felt so far away?_ With barely a breath of air, Kasumi mouthed, “I love you, Arisa.” _I’m sorry I can’t be better, for you._


	3. Chapter 3

Arisa woke first the next morning and was treated to the sight of Kasumi still sound asleep – limbs sprawled in every direction, hair a mess and mouth hanging open. _Jeez, you’re not cute at all._ Suppressing her urge to roust the sleeping mess with a shout, she sat on the side of the bed and gently shook Kasumi’s arm. “Hey.”

Kasumi’s eyes half-opened. “Goonighht,” she slurred.

“Not good night! Wake up!”

Kasumi smiled lazily. “Good morning, Arisa.”

“So … what do you want to do today?”

Arisa’s concern must have shown on her face, because Kasumi sat up rigidly and averted her eyes. “We’re going to clean your place today. I don’t want you to treat me differently now, okay? Please … just be the same Arisa you always are.” When Kasumi looked up again, her usual cheerful face was back without a hint of worry.

_She’s so good at hiding._

“Well,” Kasumi gave a big grin, “I wouldn’t mind if you held my hand some more though.” _I’m not being fair, when it means something more to me than she knows. Let me be just a little selfish…_

“I guess if I have to,” Arisa replied in her best imitation of her usual self, then took Kasumi’s hand and pulled her out of bed. _If she knew what this was making me feel though … I shouldn’t be taking advantage of the situation like this, but please … let her keep holding onto me._

Kasumi giggled. “You’re blushing so hard. Having weird thoughts?” she teased.

“Of course not!” Arisa pulled away. “Come on, go get yourself together already.”

* * *

At the next practice session, Arisa had her eye on Kasumi as the group began to work on the music to accompany _Light Delight_. As far as she knew, no one else had said anything to Kasumi about the song’s lyrics in the days since, but then, she hadn’t told the group much about her own conversation either. As for Kasumi, she never wavered at all, treating the session no differently than any other. Rather, Arisa herself couldn’t relax as she tried to work up the nerve to pull off what she had planned.

When they were finally ready to try a playthrough of the whole song, Arisa spoke up. “It’s almost there. But I still don’t like the ending. I want to try adding something.” She walked around the band and handed each member a small slip of paper.

Kasumi blinked inquisitively. “What’s that? Where’s mine?”

“Just sing.” Without giving her a chance to ask any more questions, Arisa began playing the piano intro.

“… Even if you’re lost in loneliness  
Song for the light delight  
I’ll open my heart and share the pain with you  
But first I need to change myself.”

_Okay, here we go._ As Kasumi inhaled to begin the final chorus, Arisa reached down and unplugged the cable going to the vocalist’s mic. “Wh—” Kasumi spun around, but before she could get out a question, Rimi began to sing, followed by the rest of the band.

“It’s okay, you’re not alone.”  
“Don’t give up, just a little more!”  
 _Please hear me._ “If we’re together, our feelings will be honest.”  
“You’ll be able to like yourself. And that’s why…”

As Sāya finished her line, Kasumi looked around at all of them. “Guys…”

“Come on,” Arisa said, reattaching the microphone. “Finish your song.”

Gathering herself and hefting her guitar, Kasumi began again.  
“Crying, crying, crying, crying”

“Together,” finished the rest in unison, prompting Kasumi to once again look up. Arisa waved her on, not missing the tears beginning to form in Kasumi’s eyes, nor the tightness in her own throat.

“Crying, crying, crying, crying (together)”  
“Just like this, surely forever”  
“The one I want beside me most (I hope)”  
“Search for the light delight! (together!)”  
“Search for the light delight!”

Arisa stepped out from her keyboard and handed Kasumi the final scrap of paper she’d been holding onto. “Here’s yours. Don’t think; just do it.”

Kasumi glanced down and yelled out:  
“Keep on living and believe in yourself”  
“But first I have to believe in myself”  
“You’re not alone in this world”  
“You’re not alone!”

The song over, Kasumi set down her guitar and began crying in earnest. However, now knowing what to look for, Arisa could see that even in this she put up a mask – that she was playing up her crying into melodrama to hide how much she actually felt.

“Kasumi,” said Sāya, “We’re all here for you.”

“Petting bunnies always makes me feel better,” offered Tae. “You can come over and pet mine any time you want.”

“If you keep crying, you’re going to make me cry too,” Rimi whimpered.

“Thank you, everyone. I’m sorry to make you all worry about me.” Kasumi sniffled loudly. “I’ll be okay.”

* * *

After everyone else had left, Kasumi moved to sit next to Arisa, and without warning, embraced her deeply. “Thank you,” she whispered.

Arisa was used to having Kasumi cling to her dramatically, but this hug felt different. _This is real._ Not knowing what to do, she hid her flush face in Kasumi’s shoulder and began stroking her friend’s head. _This isn’t just a hug between friends though, is it?_ Her heart raced, and she focused on the soft, airy hair running through her fingers. She ran her hand over one of Kasumi’s star-shaped hair buns, feeling its pliable thickness. Slowly, she let her fingers fall down onto the side of the small face that was still buried in her chest.

Kasumi pulled back at this, looking straight into Arisa’s eyes from inches away. Seconds passed as Arisa felt herself trembling. Finally, both girls looked away awkwardly, and Kasumi pulled herself back into her own seat. _There’s something I haven’t seen before_ _,_ marveled Arisa, noticing Kasumi’s bright red blush, even as she tried to calm her own heartrate.

“I … should get home,” Kasumi stammered, getting up and heading for the stairs.

“Oh— I’ll see you tomorrow.” _Weak, weak, say something better…_

One foot on the first stair, Kasumi paused, then turned around, causing Arisa’s stomach to make another leap into her heart. But Kasumi didn’t come back toward her, instead heading for the practice area. She reached down to her own copy of the music, picked it up and tore off the bottom of the page.

“Hey, what—” Arisa started, but Kasumi was already running up the stairs, taking the song with her and leaving only the remaining scrap. Arisa crossed the room and picked it up. It was the end of _Light Delight_ as Kasumi originally wrote it:  
“I’ll open my heart and share the pain with you  
But first I need to change myself.”

_What just happened?_ Arisa wondered, wrapping her arms around herself.

On the road outside, Kasumi ran home at full speed, her face torn between a smile and tears. _What was that?_


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marked footnotes are explained at the end of the chapter, but I suggest waiting until after reading rather than skipping back and forth.

Outside of Arisa’s head, life returned to normal for the next two weeks. Kasumi came to school, practiced with the band and behaved her usual, peppy self. The events of the last few days went completely unmentioned by all.

Inside her head, life was a nervous mess for the next two weeks. Arisa thought she knew what Kasumi had meant by her parting message, _but that can’t be right, because that would mean what happened just before that was…_ and she couldn’t let herself hope her first real friend actually— _when did it even become “hope”?_ She couldn’t let herself even think the word.

And she worried. She’d searched online to figure out what to do for Kasumi and had seen more than one horror story of people developing misplaced feelings after revealing or learning a friend’s major secret. _The last thing she needs is me complicating matters. But…_ no matter how many times she replayed that encounter in her mind – as she couldn’t seem to stop doing – she came to same conclusion: _Kasumi started all of this. And she seemed to know exactly what she was doing._

“First I need to change myself,” Arisa recited for the hundredth time in her head. _There’s nothing that could mean except … ‘wait for me.’_

So Arisa waited. Nominally, she lived her life as usual, but internally, those weeks were nothing but an intolerable wait. And behind it all, the worry that the wait would never end, that Kasumi would return to her old self, shutting Arisa out and suffering in private.

* * *

The moment came by complete surprise. After one practice session, three weeks on, Kasumi hung back again after the band left. “Arisa~” Kasumi grinned, then lowered her voice. “Can we go talk in your room?” The contrast between her lively face and serious tone froze Arisa.

“Y—yeah. Go ahead.” She waved Kasumi on, hoping the girl wouldn’t notice that she’d suddenly begun shivering uncontrollably.

When Arisa entered her room, Kasumi was already shutting the curtains over the setting sun, draping the room in the mild light of the desk lamp. Kasumi spun around, smile reappearing. “Sorry! It’s just a little embarrassing. It’s easier to talk in the dark.”

_Kasumi embarrassed? Now I’ve seen everything,_ Arisa wanted to tease. But at the same time, she desperately wanted to be the sort of mature person who could proclaim, _You don’t need to worry. You can tell me anything._ Knowing she could never pull it off without belying her own twitching nerves, she said nothing.

Kasumi sat down in Arisa’s desk chair, spun it around and gestured her head toward the bed. _Keeping our distance today…_ Arisa thought, then chided herself. _This isn’t about me. Just be a good friend for once._

As Arisa sat on the side of her bed, Kasumi spun back around, speaking softly away toward the wall. “I told my mom.”

Arisa’s heart leapt into her mouth for a moment, until she realized _she means about herself, not what happened with me. Get it together, Arisa._ “O—oh,” she choked out.

“Yeah.” A long pause. “It went okay though. She said something like … my heart has a cold?”

Despite the mood, Arisa couldn’t help but laugh. “Like mother, like daughter.”†

Kasumi gave a small laugh as well. “Yeah. So … she got me a doctor appointment. I went last week.” A sigh. “I thought maybe he’d just be able to fix me, but I guess I was being dumb. He just asked lots of questions and said I’d need to come back for a bunch more appointments.”

“I’m sorry,” Arisa said. It felt like the wrong thing to say, _but what can I say? I can’t do anything for her._

Kasumi spun around in the chair a few times, head tipped back, staring at the ceiling. “And—” she stopped, pulled in her lips and closed her eyes. “He gave me a prescription too.”

Arisa had read about those online too, and knew that receiving medication immediately on a first visit was far out of the ordinary, especially given their age.‡ _How much more is she still holding back from me, that the doctor would react that severely?_ Realizing Kasumi had stopped and was watching her, she refocused. _Oh. She’s waiting to see how I react._ “Is it helping?” she asked, unsure how she should react.

Kasumi shrugged. “He said the first few days might feel even worse.” She looked away, then added simply, “It did.” Arisa felt her heart clench at those words, and she bit her lip to maintain her composure. Another sigh. “That passed though. So I dunno. Mostly I’ve just felt … kinda flat. But kinda okay.”

“It takes a while to really work. You have to give it a few more weeks,” Arisa said _uselessly. What am I, a drug pamphlet? Why does she come to me for comfort when I’m so terrible at it?_ Then she noticed Kasumi eyeing her suspiciously.

“How do you know that?”

Arisa recoiled, suddenly overcome with a familiar embarrassment. “I! Um. I just heard somewhere… _Be honest already, Arisa!_ She swallowed and flitted her eyes around the room. “I … was trying to learn how to help you.”

Kasumi smiled gently – not the usual wide grin she showed everyone, but a true smile whose honesty stabbed into Arisa’s heart. “Thank you. That makes me really happy.” She suddenly looked straight at Arisa with intensity. “Arisa, I…” _Oh god is she about to—_ “I’m sorry about running away the other night.” _oh._ “Everything’s just been feeling so confusing. I wanted to wait until I had better control of myself before I … did anything else.”

_Anything else?_ Arisa wondered, but said, “And are you ready now?”

“Yeah, I think I am. I’m still not … better, but I’m finally starting to change. Thanks for giving me time.”

“So—” Arisa cut off, her throat suddenly drying up. “What now?” she choked out.

“I think I can read you pretty well, Arisa. I really, really hope I’m not wrong this time, but if so, I’m sorry.” Before Arisa could begin to process that message, Kasumi reached behind her and switched off the lamp.

Thrown into complete darkness, Arisa instinctively began to stand up, but was struck by something crashing into her. “Kasu— mph!” she started, but was cut off as her mouth was suddenly covered. _Wait, not covered,_ she realized as her senses caught up with the world, _she’s—!_

Blind, Arisa’s entire world existed in the chill of warm softness retreating from her lips. _Ohmygodwhatohmygodjbsjfwdsrektrjgp_

Out of the dark, Kasumi’s voice returned softly. “Was I wrong?”

Her mind short-circuited, Arisa somehow managed a “no.” Immediately, she felt the bed shift as Kasumi collapsed onto it to her left, followed by pressure across her whole body. She reached down, feeling the outline of her friend’s body – _friend?_ – clinging onto her.

“Thank god,” came Kasumi’s muffled voice buried in Arisa’s shirt.

Arisa tried to regain some control of her body and mind. Taking a breath, she began to ask, “What—” but was cut off.

“I don’t want to talk anymore right now. Is that okay?”

Arisa’s mind was racing with a thousand questions and worries, but if it meant this moment could continue— “Yeah.”

Even once she adjusted to the dark, there wasn’t enough light to see any more than a vague gray outline around her. Giving up on sight, she closed her eyes and began to stroke Kasumi’s back. She felt the fabric of her clothes moving up and down, and the hard warmth of the body underneath it. She felt the pressure against her hand shifting as Kasumi’s body grew and shrank with each breath. And in some part of her, she felt an incredible ease that somehow, unbelievably, was managing to overcome all the thoughts running through her head.

All the world flowed away from Arisa, until there was nothing but Now. She reaches out, searching for everything she can touch in the small bubble that makes up her entire existence. Her right hand runs up Kasumi’s shoulder, into the warm curve of her neck and across the back of her head, where she lets herself get lost in the soft strands. With the other hand, she moves down, continuing from Kasumi’s side onto her legs, following their bend at the knee, tracing all the way to her feet, then back up.

Through it all, she hears nothing but soft breathing. Pausing, Arisa wonders if Kasumi fell asleep, until she begins to feel the fingers around her back drawing small circles into her spine. Suddenly overcome with the need for more, to be even closer, Arisa lowers her head and, despite a resurgence of nervous jitters, kisses Kasumi on the top of her head. The softness against her lips combine with a faint sweet scent to send Arisa’s consciousness spinning around her.

Rather than satiate Arisa, her need is immediately replaced with another, even more intense. She fights against every layer of the aloof, indifferent personality she’d built up around herself, and finally, with all her effort, tears herself open and murmurs, “I love you.”

Slowly, as if waking from a dream, Kasumi pulls herself up and looks Arisa directly in the eyes. Even in the blackness, Arisa can make out the power emanating from those eyes staring into her own from mere inches away. She shuts her eyes again, and as if a bystander, feels herself lean forward until her lips touch Kasumi’s, then fall into their soft pressure. Tingling warmth spreads out from her mouth, and she feels herself flush.

Abruptly, a jolt shoots down Arisa’s neck and flies throughout her body when she feels Kasumi’s hand touch the side of her face, and she lets out an involuntary gasp. Her eyes fly open for a split second, and in the dim afterimage of that moment, she thinks she saw a playful grin.

The hand on her face strokes her cheek slowly, and she can’t help but lean into its warmth, even while thinking with embarrassment _I feel like a nuzzling cat_.

“Arisa,” she hears, the sound bringing her back out of her head, “I love you too.”

Even after everything that had happened, she is overwhelmed by the intensity of her body’s reaction to those words. She can hear her heart in her ears, feel herself quivering and her breathing become uneven. The next thing Arisa knows, Kasumi is sitting up straight, and has pulled her head into an embrace against her chest. The beating sound in her head is joined by another as her ear is pressed against Kasumi’s heart. _Hers is going just as fast. How does she seem so in control?_

“I was so scared,” comes Kasumi’s voice from above her. “I thought I might not be able to feel anything even if we … did this. That’s why I needed to wait. If I hadn’t felt anything from this, I couldn’t have taken it.”

Looking up from where her head lay, Arisa asks, “But you do?”

With a quaver, Kasumi replies, “I’m not alone.”

Settling into Kasumi’s body, Arisa puts her free arm around _my … girlfriend’s?_ back. “I’m sorry I didn’t let you in sooner.”

“Mmn,” says Kasumi, and Arisa feels _my girlfriend’s???_ head shake back and forth. “There’s nothing you could have done. I had to start by helping myself. I know that.”

“Still, if I didn’t keep pushing you away…”

Kasumi bends over and kisses Arisa on the forehead. “I wasn’t ready for this until right now. I wouldn’t change a thing.”

Arisa closes her eyes and is overcome with a comfortable tiredness. _How can this already feel so natural when it’s only been—_ Suddenly, she jolts up and grabs for her phone, its light searing into the darkness. “Wait, what time is it?”

Kasumi giggled. “Don’t worry, I took care of everything.” At Arisa’s confused look, she explained, “I already told your grandma I’d be staying here tonight.”

“What?!”

A dozen new thoughts ran through Arisa’s mind at once, and must have shown on her face, because Kasumi quickly followed up, “Not here-here, I mean I’ll sleep on the floor.”

Arisa swallowed. “Yeah, that’s… good idea.”

“Yeah.”

Once again hyperaware of the situation, Arisa reverted to her usual persona. “…But I guess you can stay up here a little while more. If you insist.”

“Then I insist.”

* * *

Far later, after the two girls had emerged from the darkness and said goodnight to Arisa’s _suspiciously smiling, oh my god does she know_ grandmother, when they had settled into their separate beds, Arisa looked down at Kasumi on the floor. _Just like that night…_ “Can I ask you a few questions?”

“Okay.”

“So this … um … what are we now?”

Kasumi smiled up at her. _How does she make me feel like this with a look? How the heck did this happen so fast?_ A lilt in her voice, Kasumi asked, “Do you kiss all your friends?”

“Of course not!” Arisa snapped, her face lighting up at the vocal reminder of how she’d spent the last _several hours how was it that long?!_

“So then that makes us…” Kasumi prompted.

“Girl … friends?”

“Mhm!”

“Okay,” said Arisa, eager to move the focus off herself. “Next question. How is it you seem to have everything under control? It feels like you’ve known exactly what was coming ever since you gave me that song.”

Kasumi stared up at the ceiling for a long time before answering. “When you don’t feel the things you’re supposed to, you learn to pretend really fast. No one wants to hear ‘bad’ when they ask how you’re doing. And that means learning to understand what other people think and what they’re going to do.”

“So…” Arisa started, unsure how to phrase her next question politely. “The girl I’ve known all this time … is she real?”

Kasumi sunk into her futon a bit, making Arisa hate herself for asking, but answered with confidence, “I know I play up my emotions, but even when that’s not how I really feel, it’s who I want to be. I want to be the bright star everyone already thinks I am.”

_You’re already my star_ , Arisa briefly considered saying, before her shame vetoed it. “There’s one other thing,” she moved on instead. _I really don’t want to, but I have to ask._ “I just have to make sure…” _How to say this without breaking her heart…_ “Um … sometimes when a firefighter pulls someone out of a building…” Kasumi stared up at her blankly. “Well, it’s just that you’ve started—” Arisa looked away. “loving me,” she coughed, “right at the same time you’re overcoming your … problem…” _Ughh I’m making a mess of this._

Kasumi’s eyes suddenly lit up with understanding and cut off Arisa’s rambling. “You’re wrong.”

“Huh?”

“I didn’t just start. I’ve loved you for a long time.”

“Huh???”

“I told you, even when I might be exaggerating, that’s who I want to be. Every time I’ve hugged you, I wanted to tell you I really meant it.”

“Huh??????”

“I mean, maybe not from the very beginning, but it’s been … a long time.” She let out a little sigh that stung Arisa. “But like I said, I wasn’t ready before. So it’s okay that you just caught up!”

“I … see.”

“And Arisa, I really appreciate everything you’ve done, but … you know you didn’t just save me out of the blue, right?”

_No, Arisa has no idea what you’re saying._

“I picked you to save me,” Kasumi smiled. “I knew you would come to my rescue. I think … some part of me knew it needed a push. I was tired of living like I was, but I couldn’t make myself move, so I got you to come and give me that shove.” She gave a slight laugh. “I guess it sounds kinda weird like that. It’s not like I plotted it out, I just … needed your help, and I got it.”

“I’m not sure I really understand,” Arisa replied, completely sure she didn’t understand.

“How about this: you came to help me because you’re my best friend, just like I knew you would. Everything that happened after that is … separate. I didn’t trick you into falling in love with me.”

“No,” Arisa said, a sudden pain in her chest, “I didn’t mean that.”

“I don’t know where my feelings come from. Everything’s really confusing for me. Maybe a little bit of me was pushed over the edge into…” she waved her hands around “…this … because of you helping me, but it’s still what I wanted all along.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“Mmn, it’s okay.” Kasumi pulled herself up off the floor. “It’s really sweet you’re being so careful.” She stepped towards Arisa’s bed. “You’re always so, so kind.”

“I don’t think anyone would ever call me sweet or kind,” Arisa mumbled into her pillow.

Another step forward. “I just did! And you have to believe your girlfriend when she tells you something.”

_My girlfriend._

Kasumi reached the side of the bed and leaned down, further and further, until Arisa inched up to meet her in a small kiss. Kasumi reached out and gave a short hug, then hopped back, spinning around on her toes. “I think we’d better go to sleep now, before any more hours suddenly disappear.”

Arisa looked up at the shining light of _my girlfriend_ , her every move a dance, her every word a song. _My girlfriend!_

“Arisa?”

She realized she was staring, lost in the pull of Kasumi’s gravity. _My girlfriend really is a star._ She pulled herself out of her stupor and replied, “Good night, Kasumi.” One heartbeat passed. Two. Arisa took in and let out a full breath. “I love you.”

Kasumi’s replying smile washed away every doubt left in Arisa’s mind.

Long after Kasumi retreated to her futon on the floor, Arisa lay awake replaying every touch and wishing _my girlfriend!!!_ were still in bed beside her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> †The phrase 心の風, translated as “cold of the soul,” was created for a 1999 Japanese marketing campaign for antidepressants, designed to remove the stigma around mental illness. Prior to this, depression was not seen as a topic fit for public discussion in Japan. Kasumi’s generation likely would not be aware of the phrase, hence her and Arisa’s assumption that Kasumi’s mom was just being weird.
> 
> ‡Even today, antidepressants are still stigmatized heavily and are far less common in Japan than in the U.S., so Kasumi’s experience is out of the norm, even though it sounds fairly ordinary from a Western perspective.
> 
> (Hi I was an English major and my fanfic has footnotes orz)


	5. Chapter 5

Arisa awoke the next morning to the sound of her alarm briefly ringing, then being shut off. Rustling blankets. Bare feet moving around. Then from right above her, “Arisaaa, good morning, time to get up.” She scrunched her face into the pillow. _Wait, who—_ and memories of the night before crashed into her. She opened her eyes to see Kasumi’s smiling face floating over her. “Ehe~ Hello!”

“I can wake up on my own!” Arisa grumbled, but reached a hand up to Kasumi’s cheek. Her girlfriend _how can this be real_ melted into her touch and placed her own hand over Arisa’s. Scooting back in bed to sit up, Arisa stared at the girl who kept changing her life over and over. _Who would I be without you?_

“Arisa … This is nice, but you need to get ready for school.”

“Huh?!” _School? Why, how— Everything is … how can I go off to school and do … anything else … after this?_ “Ugh, fine.” Arisa took her hand back and sat up the rest of the way. She swung her legs off the bed, but couldn’t bring herself to stand. Staring at the floor, she said flatly, “I don’t want to go.”

“Eh? Are you feeling okay?” Kasumi put her hand to Arisa’s forehead.

“No,” she said, brushing off the hand, feeling her eyes burning. “No, I’m not okay, because I don’t want to go out that door and have this end. You can’t just…” Her eyes were watering in earnest, and she struggled to control her voice. “You can’t turn my life on its head and then expect me to j—” she swallowed, “to just go back out there and act like everything’s the same.”

Kasumi sat down on the bed and put her arm around Arisa’s left shoulder, her head on the right. “Nothing’s ending. I’ll still love you no matter where we are.”

Arisa wiped her face with her sleeve. “This all feels like a dream. When we go back to life as usual…”

“I’ll still love you. This is real.” Kasumi kissed her on the temple. “This will be real every day, everywhere.”

“But outside this room … I don’t think I can be honest. Out there I’m the Arisa who just tells you to knock it off, to stop playing around.”

“And out there I’m the Kasumi that doesn’t have a care in the world.” She began to comb her fingers through Arisa’s long hair. “Not everyone gets to see inside us. It doesn’t mean we aren’t real.” She paused, then switched to smoothing down the loose strands. “Like seeing you with your hair down like this. It’s special, just for me. Or,” she said, pulling her hand free, “you could start wearing it loose all the time. Either way, it’s still you.”

“When did you get so wise?”

“Heh heh heh,” Kasumi puffed herself up, “I am a songwriter, you know.”

“Woooow,” Arisa played along sullenly. “Do you play any instruments?”

“Guitar, baby! It gets me all the girls.”

Arisa chuckled, then began laughing openly. “What was that supposed to be?” Once she caught her breath, she finally looked up from the floor. “Thanks.” She stretched her arms out in front of her and swung herself to her feet. “Are you sure we can’t just stay here all day?”

“Hmm, it is tempting, but if we both stayed home from school, and I never left this room, people might…”

“Urk, right.” Then a new realization struck Arisa. “We … have to tell the others, don’t we?”

“Ahaa, welllll, I think maybe they might already know.”

“What? How?” Arisa scowled. “Kasumi, what did you tell them?”

“No, no,” Kasumi waved her hands in innocence, “nothing. I just mean you miiiiight be the last one to realize.”

Arisa stared, struck with horror. “Are you telling me that even O-Tae knew we were going to end up together before I did?”

“She’s a very earnest girl,” Kasumi offered sagely.

Noticing the clock, Arisa jumped. “Shit, we really need to get going.”

“Whooa,” Kasumi exclaimed, clapping her hands over her mouth. “Bad language!”

Arisa gave her a thin glare while she began tying up her hair. “You’re not that innocent.”

“Tehe~☆” Kasumi winked, but was cut off as her uniform flew across the room and landed over her head.

“Go get dressed already!”

* * *

When both were finally ready and only moderately late, Kasumi headed for the bedroom door, but stopped as Arisa caught her wrist from behind. “Eh?”

“Hold on.” Kasumi turned around to find Arisa’s face hard with determination. “I don’t know how long it’ll be until we’re alone like this again, so—” Arisa stepped forward, grabbed Kasumi’s upper arm with her free hand and moved in. Just before her lips met Kasumi’s, she heard a tiny gasp from in front of her, and it set her heart racing with excitement.

As they separated, Kasumi exhaled visibly. “Wow.”

Arisa shrunk back, embarrassment returning. “Sorry. Was that too hard?”

“No! Just … unexpected.” She shot her eyes downward, and under her breath repeated, “Wow.”

“Okay, okay, enough teasing me, let’s go.”

Kasumi pulled herself back up and took Arisa into a tight hug. “You’ll be okay. And I’ll be okay too. We can do this. Let’s go show the world.”


	6. Epilogue

At the start of the next band meeting, Sāya, Tae and Rimi entered the basement to find Kasumi already rehearsing chords. Next to her sat Arisa, hands on knees, staring at her feet. “Ah! Everyone, come over here,” Kasumi said, leaping up. “Oh, hold on.” She crossed the room and set her Random Star down in its stand, petting it on the head and rushing back to her original place by Arisa. “Okay! Everyone, Arisa and I have something to announce!”

Arisa rose slowly, still looking downward. Even so, her full-face blush shone visibly for all to see. Kasumi grabbed her hand, and without delay exclaimed, “We’re girlfriends now!”

Sāya spoke first, smiling. “It’s about time, you two.” She walked over and gave Kasumi a quick hug, followed by a light pat on Arisa’s arm. Leaning in toward Arisa, she whispered, “I’m proud of you.”

“Congratulations, Kasumi-chan, Arisa-chan,” squeaked Rimi, already on the verge of tears. “I’m so happy for you!”

Tae stepped forward and took Kasumi’s hand, shaking it vigorously. “Take good care of my precious daughter.”

Arisa’s shy face shifted to annoyance. “In what world am I your child?”

“Ah!” Tae recoiled in exaggerated surprise. “She can talk!” She took Arisa’s hand in her left and shook it as well. “Arisa, take care of Kasumi too, okay?”

“Thanks…” mumbled Arisa, glancing up at Kasumi, then taking a slow breath. “Thank you, everyone.” She gave a full bow. “For everything you’ve done for both of us.” 

Her girlfriend smiled down at her, instantly soothing her nerves. Kasumi turned toward away from the others and asked, “You okay?”

Arisa nodded. _Yeah. I really am okay._

Tae stuck a finger in the air. “One thing though. You have to promise that if you two break up, you at least give us a hit like _Rumors_ on the way out.”†

“O-Tae,” Sāya scolded, “don’t say something like that.”

“No, it’s okay,” said Kasumi, now serious. “We know this could affect the band somehow. I really hope that never happens, but Arisa and I talked about this while we were waiting for you all.” She looked over, and Arisa gave her a nod. “Sāya, we’d like you to take over being in charge of the band, officially. I know you’re already really busy at home, so I’ll still do as much of the work as you want. Just in case there’s ever a conflict of interest. Is that okay?”

Arisa watched with pride as her girlfriend laid out the plan. _She’s so dedicated when she’s passionate about something. I wish everyone could see past her silliness to the amazing girl inside._

“We’ll have to talk later about what exactly you want me to do,” replied Sāya, looking up in thought. “But … yeah, if you think that’s best, I’ll do it. If it’ll help my two dear friends in love, of course, I’ll do anything you need.”

“I—!” Arisa stuttered, embarrassment renewed by hearing it put so plainly. “I didn’t say love…”

Tae clapped her hands in front of her face. “Like the song!”

“Actually,” Kasumi chipped in, “she did. She said it a lot of times, over and over again!”

 _I’m going to kill her_ , thought Arisa, desperately trying to melt into the floor.

“Aww,” cooed Rimi, “tell us all the details!”

“Well, you won’t believe this one thing she d— mmpph!” Kasumi began but was cut off by Arisa’s hand slamming over her mouth.

“Haven’t you ever heard,” Arisa growled in Kasumi’s ear, “of the phrase ‘don’t kiss and tell’?”

But not quietly enough. Rimi’s eyes lit up. “You kissed? Like … on the mouth?”

“How would you kiss without your mouth?” mused Tae to herself.

From under Arisa’s hand, Kasumi tried to speak up. “Yhh, smmfphl tmms!”

“Okay, okay.” Sāya clapped her hands like an elementary school teacher. “I’m making my first rule as leader. No gossiping about private matters in the band. Understood?”

Rimi and Kasumi both drooped like kids caught stealing cookies, and Arisa released her grip. “Good grief,” she sighed.

Kasumi raised her hand. “Sāya, question. Am I allowed to tell Arisa I love her during band time?” Arisa sunk her face into a hand.

Sāya feigned a look of intense thought, then offered, “Yes, but no more than once per day. We do have actual work to get done here, okay?”

“Yay! Okay, then here I go.” She spun around and swept Arisa’s hand away from hiding her face. “I love you, Arisa!”

Arisa glanced at her friends all smiling at them. No one spoke. No one continued speaking for too long. _Oh you can’t be serious. In front of everyone?_

“Arisa,” prompted Sāya, “you get one a day too.”

 _Kasumi, you are going to pay for this later._ She took a breath and tried to block out everything but the girl in front of her. _My girlfriend. The girl I love is right here with me._ Arisa’s focus fell completely into Kasumi, enraptured by how strongly this ridiculous, wild girl could make her feel. She took Kasumi’s hand, and absorbing its confidence, found it easy to say, “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> † _Rumors_ is the most popular album by Fleetwood Mac, containing hit solo _Go Your Own Way_. Released 1977, it was publicly and heavily influenced by multiple breakups occurring between band members during its creation. Given the references to other Western rock figures in Tae’s solo song, I expect she would know about this as well.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all who stuck through the whole thing, and for the sweet comments. You'll notice the story is now listed in a series – this piece of the story is over, but I still have some other places to go with this, so there will be a sequel or two coming in the near future.
> 
> Wanna know a secret? When I started, this story wasn't intended to be a romance. Before writing it, I didn't care about KasuAri as a couple at all. Now they may even be beating out HinaAya as my fave pair.


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